MinkFlamingos

Raising a kid and going to WDW. A lot.

Confessions of a Dangerous TV-holic ("Reality" TV edition)

Confessions of a Dangerous TV-holic ("Reality" TV edition)

It has been suggested by many that I have an inclination to certain types of snobbery: movies, liquor, beer, shoes, etc.  However there is one type of snobbery of which I can never be accused:

Television. 

Hi, I'm Emily, and I'm a TV-holic. 

I watch a lot of TV.  I watch a lot of BAD TV.  I watch shows that make my husband flinch to see it in our DVR queue.  My husband has his musical instruments and recording to entertain him, I watch bad TV.  I watch good TV, too.  I'm just not particularly... discriminating in my tastes.  My thought is "I'm entertained, so eff you if you have a problem with it."   

I have a problem (and my husband has the same problem, though he's loathe to admit it): Battlestar Galactica has ruined me for most narrative television.  BSG raised my expectations for what great dramatic writing can be, and other shows have a really hard time being examined under that same microscope.  Game of Thrones comes close, but other shows that I like tend to fall short, like Dexter (especially lately).  Then there are shows that just make me outright mad (Lost... ugh... I get angry just thinking about that last season).  So I watch shows with low expectations, and they don't disappoint me.

My bad TV watching reached new heights during pregnancy and maternity leave, but I can't claim that it started then.  So here, my friends, I shall confess to the utter brain rot to which I find myself addicted.

1) Jersey Shore

crazy drunk bitches

crazy drunk bitches

MTV is guilty of re-airing their shows ad nauseum, and it was during one of these marathons that I found myself getting sucked into the first season of Jersey Shore.  I had seen "guidos" and guys with blowouts and Affliction shirts before, but to get submerged into their actual lives was something so foreign to me I just couldn't look away.  The drunken shenanigans these people get up to are HILARIOUS and, just when you least expect it, one of them will actually say something sort of witty or clever (usually one of the guys) and surprise you.  Watching Jersey Shore, for me, is like watching a national geographic documentary on an indigenous people in a foreign land.  

2)  Here Comes Honey Boo Boo

Mama June, aka "The Human Thumb"

Mama June, aka "The Human Thumb"

I got suckered into the world of Honey Boo Boo thanks to The Soup, who'd been airing clips of her since the Toddlers and Tiaras days.  This show, like Jersey Shore, is a peek into the lifestyle of people with whom I would otherwise have no interaction.  It's the redneck Jersey Shore.  Only this family is an even bigger trainwreck.  Truly.

3) America's Next Top Model

this bitch crazy

this bitch crazy

I don't really have any justification for this one.  I started watching it the first season in college and just never stopped.  The show has nothing to do with real fashion or modeling, it's just a bunch of crazy girls taking themselves too seriously.  I suppose there's a large part of me that watches to see what crazy, narcissistic thing Tyra will do or say next.   

4) Say Yes to the Four Weddings of Bridezillas

This bitch is probably having a meltdown over those fugly flowers...

This bitch is probably having a meltdown over those fugly flowers...

I love weddings. I love everything about them.  If a show has even the tiniest thing to do with weddings, I probably watch it.  Say Yes to the Dress (and all its spinoffs), Four Weddings, I Found the Gown, Brides of Beverly Hills, I watch them ALL.  My favorite, though? The one that will sucker me into hours of marathon watching? Bridezillas.  Are you sensing a theme in the awful television I watch? Crazy women on "reality" TV? Yup. 

5) Flavor/Rock of Love 

Crazy? Genius? Moron? All three?

Crazy? Genius? Moron? All three?

Of all the Crazy Bitches shows in history, these took the cake.  Especially Flavor of Love.  I MISS that show.  The fact that they found that many women to go on TV and fight over Flavor Flav is amazing enough, but when one of them, in the first episode, takes a shit on the carpet, you have just made TV magic and I will love it forever.  Oh god and the NICKNAMES he would give these women, because he couldn't be bothered to remember their real names? (Flav voice) Woooooooooooow

 

Well... I've really only scratched the surface of the bad TV confessions.  Sure, I watch the Daily Show, Real Time with Bill Maher, and actual National Geographic programming, but coming clean about this? It feels... liberating.  True story: my dad was hooked on Flavor of Love.  He might deny it, but in a moment of weakness he confessed on the phone to watching it, probably because he was desperate for someone to discuss those shenanigans with, and I was the only person he knew who might watch such drivel.  

I know I'm not the only one watching this shit, but am I the only one brave enough to own up to it? Come on now, confess your sins: what shitty TV do you watch? 

PTBD (Post Traumatic Birth Disorder)

PTBD (Post Traumatic Birth Disorder)

Stranger in a Strange Land